I think I've discovered another side of me which isn't exactly the best trait to possess.

I believe in holding on. Hanging in there. Sticking it out.

It's like this job opportunity which is happening right now. In my mind, it's not exactly something I'll drop everything for right this instant. So I decide to stay where I am. And wait. For the best.

It's the same for my relationships.

Maybe actually I am the world's biggest fool. No doubt about it.

Random thought of the day:

Maybe women want to get married so that they can have a rock they can call their own (without paying for it, of course). The bigger, the better.

I made a major boo-boo when I commented that a particular colleague's diamond ring from her boyfriend/fiancee isn't that big after all. In her face. How stupid can I get? Yes, I'm not proud of it.

Everyone around me seems to be on the idea of rocks, rings and marriage lately.

It doesn't help that I seriously don't know much about rings and diamonds. The only jewellery I know are from Perlini's and the odd Tiffany & Co. And they're both silver.

Diamonds? I just know that they look good.

What's clarity? Cut? Carat?

I have no idea which diamond is the biggest. Which is probably why I said what I said. I could have been staring at a freakin' 10-carat diamond ring and I won't even realise it's like freakin' 10-carat.

I only know a solitaire when I see one 'cos it's the easiest one to identify. Like a lone island out in the vast ocean. Nice.

One of my closest buds from my JC class is getting married. In July. In Hong Kong. And it was planned only 2 months before D-Day. You get the idea.

An ex-colleague is planning her ROM this year.

I heard that another colleague is planning his wedding too.

Strange. I still think these people are like adults wearing diapers, we're too young to be talking about marriage. And wedding rings.

I lost my motivation a long time ago and I don't know how to retrieve it.

She's right. I have no goals in life now.

And that is why I am perpetually unhappy.

Because there's nothing to be happy about.

I need to get out and start afresh.

Remaining at where I am is akin to not doing anything for myself, not improving the situation and being perpetually "stuck in the rut".

It may not be true that I'll be any happier if I leave this place, but I think it's worth a shot.

Because it's not just about leaving a job, it's a metamorphosis of sorts.

I want to leave the old self behind. The past. Him.

I want to say hello.