I went out of my mind today.

I went totally ballistic and started punching the wall with my right fist. Repeatedly.

The result?

I have a bad bruise on my right fist, at the knuckle of my smallest finger.

The doc wants it x-rayed.

I totally asked for it, yes I know.

Besides therapy, I may need anger management classes. Problematic child.


***


I know I have friends who are trying to make me snap out of whatever I'm in, and I know they're trying hard. Real hard.

Thanks to the 2 great gals who had dinner with me at Simpang Bedok tonight. I know it was for me that they'd planned this. They were so worried that I'll be gone before they could even catch hold of me.

But don't worry, gals. I'm crazy but not that gutsy yet. And I don't have the right tools to do anything serious except hurl myself from a HDB building which, by the way, requires a truckload of guts. So no worries there.

And as I'd said, I'd injured my right fist so that may take my mind off death quite abit.

I now it sounds very disturbing but I get a kick out of seeing the bruise on my hand. A result of my anger and frustration, a result of the culmination of intense feelings manifested physically on me, myself and I. It's.very.fascinating. The power of human emotions at its height and depth. And I get to flaunt it like a prize trophy. There, there, see this on my hand? I did this to myself.

As I've said, I'm sado-masochistic.

Let's see if I sleep soundly tonight.