I'm in deep shit.

This is the second night in a row that I have woken up unexpectedly at 6am in the morning. 6 freaking am.

And I can't get back to sleep.

Something is really wrong when I start waking up in the middle of the night. Me. Never one to find sleep sufficient and one to sleep through a thunderstorm if I could.

And the first thing that I thought of when I woke up?

Her.

How good she is, how right she is for him, how happy they are together, how much better she is than I am. Than.I.am.

The lady's even got prettier shoes than me.

And I started crying.

I need to see a shrink.


***


I might as well say this since I'm up and blogging.

I hate how I look in pictures these days.

I think I look alright with rebonded hair ('cos that's what I see in the mirror), but take a photo of me now, and I cringe.

I don't like what I see in the photos. Any photo.

Maybe I should really cut my hair off like Denise Keller. Like Charlize Theron in Aeonflux. Who knows. This could be a sign. Hair-hating moment? Check. Self-loathing moment? Check. Whole-life-in-peril moment? Check check.

And I forgot what it was that I wanted to write about when I edited this post.