It's funny how life makes a mockery of you.

Really. It just tickles me.

On the one hand, you cry buckets for hours on end over ONE guy; you can't seem to climb out of bed on a fabulous Saturday afternoon even if it's to use the bathroom; you can hardly eat nor drink. You don't even think about how gross you look, with messed-up bedhair and grubby face and puffy eyes. On good days, all you do is listen to the songs that he gave you, stare at the picture that he shared with you, re-read and re-read the messages that he sent you, play images over and over again in your mind about the conversations both of you shared, that hug you'll never forget and especially that look on his face when he's troubled/worried about you. On bad days, all you think about in that peabrain of yours is how cruel God/fate/divinity/life has been, because THEY (with all of their mighty powers combined) have failed you and failed you terribly. On days like these, all you can think of is to hurt yourself so that you can mask that tight knot you're feeling somewhere in your chest. You're not sure why it hurts so. But the guy that you're absolutely crazy over is not going to go to any lengths to be with you for happily ever after. Why no. He has his perfect 10/10 girlfriend to die for first.

On the other hand, you have MEN dying to get to know you better. Well, almost. You go clubbing with a group of friends and at the dance floor, a guy shimmies up close to you, all the time trying to catch your eye and disarm you with what he hopes to be his most charming smile. No chance in hell. You stand at a crowded MRT station in the heart of town waiting for your friend and a stranger approaches you, swoops out his digital camera and tries to snap a picture of you, all the time complimenting on your looks and insisting that you should be his girlfriend. You think he's either a nutcase or someone with no sense of shame. You go to your neighbourhood grocery store in the middle of the night to pick up extra supplies and 2 teenage boys are caught dead in their tracks when one of them lays his eyes on you. Both linger outside the store until you come out, and whilst you are still busy browsing, one of them surprises you by saying to you in Mandarin, "My friend wants to get to know you". You feel like telling them that they both look underaged next to you, but thought better of it, and merely politely declined. One night, you go out for drinks with fellow colleagues after work and the next thing you know, someone's friend has gotten hold of your number and has been texting you every single day, with offers of supper, dinner, lunch, even offering to send you home after work - no questions asked. You wonder what you did right that night when you two first met. Maybe it was dark, that's why. You go online to check your mail much like what you do every other day, and before you know it, you're reading an email that a stranger has sent you and he's asking you for your msn, the place where you work, what you did over the past weekend, etc etc. He says he's read your blog. You wonder what a guy like him with a decent job and background is doing emailing a stranger. You have absolutely no idea.

You couldn't believe just how bloddy ironic life can be. Until this.

And yet, after all this while, the one you're still thinking of is him.