It's 3am Saturday night into Sunday morning (however way you want to see it).

I haven't decided if I should try to make it for the Easter Sunday service at o63ohrs Sunday.

It's too freaking early.

-But- I made it for the Good Friday service on (when else) Friday. *pats back*

A sea of old faces, some of which I feel nothing, for nothing, anymore. I'm not sure if that's good or bad.

Again, I played the part of social chameleon that night.

Made earnest small talk, appeared attentive and interested, even made it seem like I might just come back to church on a regular basis. Oh yah.

But, I will not deny that I enjoyed a good moment that night. Even had it enough in me to pray for a friend as I sat in the pews sharing a quiet moment with God. As usual, I omitted praying for myself. It was pointless.

Although I was reasonably touched, and would certainly like to believe that there was someone out there (human or entity) that genuinely loved and cared for my goodness and wellbeing, enough to make the sacrifice of death for me, I am still disillusioned.

Because of everything I have gone through and all that have yet to come, I now only believe in one thing. What I can do for myself. Which no one else can.

There will be none who will sincerely love me without selfishness. Maybe God. But even that is uncertain.

I have only me.

Happy Easter Sunday, everyone.