BECAUSE OF YOU

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because you know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt

Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you


***


I don't know which is worse. Being stranded or being forced to leave.

I don't know how many times I've said it, but I WANT TO ESCAPE! I REALLY REALLY DO!

All the reasons are present before me, to remain where I am, and I have no defence against them except a feeble emotional response. C'mon, be practical now, the inner voice drones.

And HE said to me, "Control your feelings. It's just a job". As usual, in his eyes, I'm being impractical. Making a mountain out of a molehill.

But what I really need is, for someone, anyone, to say this to me: it's OK to go, you'll be fine, there's no need to worry. Just do it if that's what makes you happy.

And then I'll be happy.